Entries - OC87 Recovery Diaries

Implicit Messages in Mental Health Peer Specialist Work

A mental health peer specialist takes us inside to show us what it is like to work with clinicians to help individuals with mental illness recover and thrive.

Even With Depression; I Want a Greedy Life

Living with depression denies you of a lot of things, but Victoria Martinez isn’t about to let her depression take the wheel; she’s in charge.

He Did the Laundry: A Sister Becomes a Suicide Loss Survivor

Lisa’s journey into the world of sibling suicide loss is painful and, ultimately, hopeful and inspiring.

How I Use the Singing of Hymns and Gospel Songs to Fight Depression

Isaac Nunoofio felt treating his depression was a hopeless cause, and then he found singing.

My Story of PTSD: Fighting the World Against All Odds

Through a difficult childhood, Kate developed PTSD, slowly as Kate began to understand the effects of her father’s absence and mother’s discipline on her mental health she began to heal.

Jaleel King | Beyond the Bullet: Gunshot Violence Survivors Speak

Jaleel King is a photographer and member of a support group for gunshot violence survivors who speaks about his journey.

Strike Three, an Undeniable Success: Finding Confidence Through Bipolar Depression

Leigh Abraham spent much of his life thinking his failures belonged to him, but not his accomplishments. Then he found baseball.

Heart Caretaking: A Mother and Scholar Turns a Corner on Panic and Anxiety

When panic and anxiety come for the accademic, how does she cope? Sarah Barnette shares her recovery story.

My Bipolar, BPD, OCD, Panic Disorder, Agoraphobic Life’s Journey; Thus Far

As a child, Brianna attempted to find ways to control the emotions and experiences that she did not feel in control of, how Brianna’s diagnosis and treatment helped her to understand her moods.

Anxiety and Depression; My Two “Best Friends”

Teenager Alex Andrews was well-acquainted with her school’s bathroom floor, where she wrestled with sometimes crippling anxiety and depression.

Depression and Gunshot Violence: Beyond the Bullet Survivors Speak

Charles Horton is a disability rights activist and member of a support group for gunshot violence survivors who speaks about his journey.

Winning My Ongoing Battle with Depression and Alcohol Abuse

During childhood, Joao had trouble finding friends he could trust, how Joao moved through experiences of bullying and self-doubt.

Why I Tell My University Students I’m Depressed

Peter Leman, a university professor with depression, discloses to his students to help bust the stigma of mental illness on college campuses.

Watching Mental Illness from the Sideline: A Brother’s Story

Dave Brennan reflects on the difficulties of living with someone with a bipolar diagnosis, as well as how we may look past these difficulties and see the rest of that person.

My Unusual OCD Symptom Could Have Got Me Fired, Or Worse

At times, Martha Ocasio’s symptoms from her OCD and anxiety disorder made herself and others feel uncomfortable.

The Depression That Would Not Go: How Do We Fight Depression When Medicine Doesn’t Do the Trick?

Anuradha Malhotra has keeps finding ways to quell her depressive symptoms, but her cures always seem to run out of gas. Now she’s finding other ways of moving forward.

Is This the Face of a Hero? Life as an ER Doctor in the Time of COVID

Dr. Erica Harris wrestles with the term “hero” as an emergency room physician during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Sólheimasandur: Surviving Addiction, Bipolar Disorder, and Oppression as a Trans Man

When faced with a multi-faceted stack of mental health obstacles, Ethan Sunny Swift survives through self-reflection and helping others.

Finding the Way Out of Trauma and Substance Abuse

James Howard’s younger life was dominated by trauma and substance abuse, but today he lives stronger with faith and music as his guides.

Re-parenting My Inner Child: My Journey of Healing from Childhood Neglect

In childhood, Amanda the constant fear of neglect and need, how Amanda moved through her upbringing and re-parented herself.

Dusk to Darkness; Navigating and Emerging from a World of Self-Harm

Australian Zoe Judd writes with vivid brilliance about her recovery from self-harm behaviors.

From the Vault: A Hero’s Journey Gets an Encore

Ed Kozempel is a hero who understands the power of music and doesn’t let paranoid schizophrenia or bipolar get between him and his flute.

44th in the Queue: What Texting the Suicide Lifeline Taught Me about Life, Mental Health, and Toxic Masculinity

When bipolar actor Chris Russell was experiencing suicidal ideation, he called the Lifeline; this is what he learned.

Are We Destined to Repeat the Family Cycle?

Growing up, Natalie struggled with her father’s alcoholism and manipulation, how Natalie worked through her relationship through therapy and writing.

How do you Recover from OCD and an Addiction to Self-Hatred?

Overcoming an addiction to self-hatred has been a life’s work for Harris Pike, in addition to managing anxiety, depression, ocd, and psychosis.

Anxiety and Me (and Maybe You, Too)

Kaci Curtis’s anxiety and panic manifested in obsessive worries and fears. Find out about how this young mother battles her brain every day.

It Gets Better: A Yarn Bomber’s Tale of Hope

Yarn Bomber Nicole Nikolich creates vibrant works of art for the street that are filled with humor and hope and help her battle anxiety and depression.

The Night I (almost) Escaped Rehab

Canadian singer-songwriter Skylar Bouchard has long struggled with addiction and self-harm, and his essay is a hopeful ballad to recovery.

Colours Went Flat: Losing My Brother to Suicide

Suicide loss is different than any other kind of loss, which Indian writer Raashi Thakran beautifully describes in her essay about her brother.

Dear Mom, I Want to Kill Myself

Dear Mom, I Want to Kill Myself is a heartbreaking and, ultimately, hopeful essay about overcoming suicidal thoughts and helping family members heal and grow.

My Struggle with Anxiety and Depression Has Been My Greatest Gift

Arielle Kremnev experienced an increase anxiety and depression after the birth of her second child.

Overcoming my Barriers to Borderline Personality Disorder Recovery

The voice of her borderline personality disorder told her not to get into recovery. She worried that no one would love her when she got better.

The Awesome and Absolutely True Adventures of the Autisarians of Philadelphia

The Smith Family of Philadelphia rejects the limitations of the term autism, and instead create “The Autisarians,” people with superhuman abilities.

Intrusive Thoughts & A Failing of Words

Katie Thomas is a caring mother, sister, and wife, but often battles intrusive thoughts of doing horrible things to the ones she loves.

Art is a Superpower | Quarantine + Mental Health

Artist and Educator Greyson “Haji P.” Davis discusses how art is his superpower, and has been his salvation during quarantine.

The Vital Mission of a Therapist Working with Marginalized and Disenfranchised Populations

Angelica Pinna-Perez, an intersectionally-oriented therapist, works with marginalized and disenfranchised folx to access culturally-competent, affordable treatment.

I Want to Live, but I Couldn’t Always Say That

After several suicide attempts, Sarah Sharp now writes and lives with a passionate desire to stay alive.

Before and During COVID-19; My Depression Kept Me Moving and Still

The COVID-19 era has shifted and changed Wendy Hahn’s depression, her relationship with her husband, children, and self.

From Full Ride Scholar to Convicted Felon; A Suicide Attempt Changes Everything

Brittany Lopes’s suicide attempt was intended only to harm herself, but it didn’t turn out that way. Read about her journey of healing, redemption, forgiveness, and recovery.

A Flight Attendant with OCD Grounds Herself During COVID-19

Under normal circumstances, being a flight attendant with anxiety and OCD is challenging; with COVID-19, it was next to impossible.

You Have an Illness (Anxiety); Just Not the One You Think You Have

Ben Knight’s anxiety raged to the point where he obsessed over a physical ailment that he never had. Read about his whirlwind journey back to reality.

Not All a Child Needs: Overcoming Suicidality and Depression in Pakistan

Hira Raza shares how culture and parental pressure can impact a child’s mental health, leading to an eating disorder and depression in Pakistan.

Six Days on the Good Unit: Hospitalized and Alive

Casey Cannizzaro is a brilliant writer who lives in a world of addiction and bipolar disorder, both of which he fights every single day, with every breath.

The Reluctant Filmmaker: Surviving Suicide of a Son

Yolonda Johnson-Young has created a film titled Finding Elijah to help her answer the many questions she had after losing her son to suicide.

That’s The Tea on OCD: Learning to Live with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Hannah Rose Preikschat shares what it’s like living with obsessive compulsive disorder, and more specifically, life with Pure O, or harm OCD.

Rosy is the New Bleak; How a Psychotic Break Saved My Life

A sudden move across oceans coupled with a psychotic break isn’t usually what saves a person’s life but, for Josie El Biry, it’s just what she needed.

A Boy In Progress: Surviving My Eating Disorder

Eli Parker spent his adolescence hiding his trans-identity from his friends and family, and took control of his life where he could, his diet.

Don’t Mistake a Few Bad Days For a Bad Life with Anxiety

Carol Blake writes her anxieties, joys, depressive thoughts, and words of gratefulness on physical paper to see her thoughts with objective eyes.

Writing Her Way Out of a Social Anxiety Tunnel in the UK

Claire Eastham is a blogger who lives in London. She writes about her journey with social anxiety disorder.

Bulimia: Look into Her Greedy Eyes and Destroy Her!

Sonia’s intrusive thoughts about her body controlled her behavior; how Sonia regained control of her life through identifying her disorder and finding help.

Letting Myself Go: An Artist’s Struggle with Depression, Addiction, and Suicidality

For the artist named Mederos, physical and psychological pain of depression is inextricably intertwined.

Knowing Your Limits: Where Anxiety and Eating Intersect

Eating and anxiety share the same spot in Rachel Nelson’s brain. After a life filled with crash diets and, Rachel’s recovering.

The Vicious Cycle of Pure O | Purely Obsessional OCD & Mental Health in Turkey

Pinar Tarhan is a writer from Turkey who lives with Purely Obsessional OCD, also known as Pure O, and shares about her mental health recovery.

Gaslighting is Not Just a Movie: Recovering from the Effects of PTSD, Depression and Anxiety

After leaving an abusive relationship, Felicia Darlington’s anxiety and hopelessness felt out of control. Her strong essay details how she found support and learned to be comfortable in motherhood.

Major Depressive Disorder, Social Anxiety, and Hypothyroidism: A Survival Story

After a brain surgery left him with anxiety, weight gain, and depressive symptoms, Jakob
Waldron found out what real friends looked like.

How Does a Doctor with OCD Navigate Life, Career, and the Everyday?

For Rachel Davis, a doctor with OCD, every moment of every day is about managing her symptoms so she can function, live, and thrive.

Singing a Lullaby to Myself | Anxiety & Mental Health in Rwanda

by “My whole life became worry,” Florence Mukagenzi, a medical student from Rwanda says about her world. “It all felt so unsafe.” And so begins Florence’s recovery journey from paralyzing anxiety, which she exquisitely...

How Becoming a Parent Forced Me to Deal with my Anxiety

Feeling anxious and depressed after the birth of her son, Katharine joined a support group and found help to understand what was going on in her body and her mind. Katharine found ways to understand her anxiety and become the parent she longed to be.

Suppress it, Survive it – How Unresolved Grief can Lead to Depression

Ananya Sahoo, a young woman from India, tried to suppress depression and place the intense grief from losses in a box; but theses boxes always open.

Where Do Compulsive Exercise and Disordered Eating Lead?

When you are battling an eating disorder, decisions like stand or sit, one cookie or two, are not just benign choices. Emily Kelsall takes us into the world and brain of a woman living struggling with disordered eating and compulsive exercise.

And Then I Got Cancer: My Recovery from Depression Became a Battle for My Life

AnnMarie Otis is a fighter; doing battle with cancer and depression every day of her life, and every moment of every day. Join her fight and cheer her on.

Australian Mental Health | A Clear Voice on Bipolar Disorder from Down Under

Liza Brock is an Australian mental health writer who writes about her journey with bipolar disorder.

Epiphany: Radical Rainbow: A Middle-Aged Woman of Color Lives with Mental Illness in America

Trying to navigate the world as a black older woman diagnosed with schizophrenia has more than its fair share of roadblocks. Jacquese Armstrong sees that world differently than most.

How the Correct Diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder Saved My Life

After two negative experiences with less-than-optimal therapists, Taylor Oxley chose to battle her mental illness alone. As a last resort, she decided to visit one more.

How Do You Change the Negative Self-Talk Conversation?

Author and advocate Beck Medina works daily to improve her mental health by cultivating self-compassion. Her essay is a mature take on what it means to be young and plugged-in in 2019 and the cost to your self-image, and how to maintain stability while living with panic attacks and anxiety.

A Voice on Anxiety and Depression in India

Sanjukta Chauhan, a self-described “annoyingly optimistic” student from India, uses writing to tackle her depression.

Fighting My Eating Disorder Like a Warrior; Brave and Also Very Scared

Rachel Sellers does battle with anorexia, one of the most deadly mental health challenges, like a warrior: brave and also very scared.

How do You Live Through Anxiety, Depression, and a Friend’s Death?

Leah Holleran’s mystery illness was as common as common could be: anxiety and depression, but she and her family didn’t know it. Leah eventually solved the mystery of her mental health challenge, but not before struggling with self-harm and the loss of her best friend to an overdose.

An Outsider in My Own Skin; a Transgender Mental Health Story

by Have you ever felt like an outsider in your own skin? As if the body you’re stuck with isn’t really something you own, but something you’ve picked up for the time being; like the shell of a hermit crab. Have you ever...

Wrestling with Depression

In addition to wrestling some of the most noted sumo wrestlers in the world, Mike Wietecha is also well-versed in wrestling depression.

Paramedic Mental Health: Empathy in the Eye of the Storm

Ian Stoddart, a paramedic for 32 years, advocates practicing empathy for positive mental health.

Manic MFA: How My Degree Almost Cost Me My Sanity

Trying to manage bipolar disorder and a MFA program, she was influenced by mania, anxiety dictated the pace of her life, and her marriage was in danger.

An Average Anorexia Story (Serious, there is no big surprise or plot twist)

As her body changed, Amanda lost track of who she was. Slowly, through recovery from anorexia, Amanda found a way to reconnect to herself and to her body.

Uncovering Incredible: My Journey through Lifelong Anxiety

I believed that my slightest misstep from perfection would result in the immediate and irrevocable loss of love and respect from every single person around me.

Taking Up Space; Living in and Loving My Changing Body

Dancer Morgan Rondinelli wrestles with her weight gain and its impact on her mental health challenges.

First Responder Mental Health: A Paramedic’s Tale

Ashley Neubauer is a paramedic who loves helping people. The stresses of her job, however, affect her mental health, which she must monitor carefully.

Eight Miles Of Agony: Anxiety and Travel

I don’t know if I will ever be free of the panic attacks but I have hope that I will know how to cope. As of right now, I am taking things one day at a time, living my life and sharing my story so that others know that they are not alone.

What Comes After a Brother’s Death? PTSD, Depression, Anxiety; and Hope

After her young brother’s death, Lauren Fraser takes us on her journey of recovery from mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, and ptsd in this moving personal essay.

When Control Disappears and Anxiety Stays

Instead of fighting against anxiety, I’ve learned to accept it and embrace it. Anxiety is only a small part of me, it doesn’t define me.

My Fight Against Rape and PTSD in College

I fight for myself and those recovery from rape and PTSD. I still struggle, but I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I am not defined by what happened to me.

First Responder Mental Health: When the Helpers Need Help, Who You Gonna Call?

Michelle Monzo is a hero’s hero. Her work is her passion, and her passion is her work. She is trains police and other criminal justice and public safety personnel in mental health crisis intervention techniques. in addition to her crisis intervention education efforts, she creates safe spaces for first responders to be vulnerable when they are feeling they need mental health support.

Life On the Borderline: Learning to Live with BPD

Receiving a diagnosis for borderline personality disorder later in life was difficult for Lisa Parker. When she finally heard the phrase “bpd,” she was able to start learning skills in her 50s she wished she’d learned in her 20s.

Eating Disorder Healing and Changing Our Narratives Around Them

This mental health recovery story focuses on Ziba’s journey through an eating disorder, that often felt invisible. Ziba felt unseen in her disordered habits around eating and misunderstood when she first shared that she made herself sick to doctors. As she learned more about her disease and found help herself, Ziba worked to dismantle stereotypes and bust stigma. Through therapy and group work Ziba was able to understand her disorder and reconnect to herself. Read more!

Hereditary Depression, Unplugged: My Uncle understood my mental illness because he shared it. Then he died.

When Christopher Dale lost his Uncle Steve, he felt he’d lost a guiding compass for navigating his hereditary depression. Now he’s trying to carry on Uncle Steve’s lessons himself.

Compound Trauma: The 911 on 911 Dispatcher Craig Tinneny

Craig Tinneny is a 911 dispatcher whose lifetime work of fielding calls from people in crisis made him feel hollow, helpless, and hopeless. He sought help from a group of peers and has since become a crusader for better mental health for first responders.

I Want to Live: Turning a Corner with Suicidal Ideation and Depression

This mental health recovery story focuses on Tina’s journey through a fixation on death, depression and suicidal ideation. Tina’s thoughts and actions felt out of control, guide by anxiety. Suicidal ideation was a constant in her life, how Tina sought help and learned that are her core, she wanted to live. Through therapy and a close encounter with death, Tina discovered her will to live. Read more about Tina’s journey!

I’m Being Listened To: A New Page in a Story of Anxiety and Depression

Bryan Long writes about his struggle with anxiety and depression from the perspective of a young man opening up to a provider for the very first time.

The Good, The Bad, and the Obsessive Compulsive: How We Stereotype Those with Mental Illness

If all you knew about mental illness came from television, you might think everyone with obsessive compulsive disorder was a “crazy clean freak.” Alexandra Ages begs to differ—a person with a mental illness is much more than a television archetype.

Blessed by Dog: How My Emotional Therapy Animal Helps Me Cope with Bipolar

Trying to deal with a bipolar diagnosis, alcohol-abuse, self-harm, and hallucinations is a lot to take on. When Jessica Drake-Thomas met her emotional therapy animal, Mia, the road to recovery became much more clear.

I Suppressed Everything – A Story of Abuse and Bipolar

This mental recovery story focuses on Lisa’s journey of childhood trauma, abuse and eventually her diagnosis of bipolar. After years of physical, sexual and mental abuse, Lisa thought she had found stability, until her mania set in followed by severe depression. Lisa’s life felt like it was spinning out. Her physical, sexual and mental abuse dictated her life, her mania felt out of control, how Lisa came to terms with her diagnosis of bipolar and past trauma and found a way to heal. With time and therapy Lisa found ways to cope. Read more about Lisa’s journey!

Can a Man (and a Bug) Drive Out Suicide?

OC87 Recovery Diaries’ Editor in Chief Gabriel Nathan travels around the east coast in his beloved Herbie the Love Bug replica to raise suicide awareness and meet people whose lives have been changed by suicide.

Emptying My Head: Bipolar Depression, A Tale of Two People

This mental health recovery story focuses on Erica’s journey through an abusive childhood, a diagnosis of bipolar depression and the feeling of being misunderstood, by other and by herself. Her bipolar depression and anger left Erica confused, when she found therapy she was able to see what was beneath her rage and come through to the other side. Erica realized that her anger masked a deep sadness, as she worked with a counselor she found a way to explore her past and understand her present. Learn more about Erica’s journey!

The Kid’s Alright, or Close Enough; My Asperger’s Diagnosis

Rachael grew up with a feeling that she was different from others. She experienced anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder symptoms and had regular meltdowns. Eventually these things turned into a problem with substance abuse. Her inability to adapt to change and childhood anxiety created a barrier, how Rachael’s diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome in adulthood helped her to understand her past and gain a newfound stability. Once, Rachael could understand what was going in her mind, she was able to take back control of her life. Read more about Rachael’s story!

Battling Depression: Fighting the Legion of Gloom

If you think only a super-human force can successfully battle depression, then you don’t know Shawn Reynolds, comic book aficianado and mental health superhero in his own right.

When Anxiety and Panic Attacks Hit; Hit Back with Therapy

Natalie Rodriguez knew she needed therapy for her anxiety and panic attacks; but she had to fight against shame and stigma to get that help.

Sailing for Life and Surviving PTSD

Hell or High Seas follows veteran Navy rescue swimmer Taylor Greiger and friend Stephen O’Shea on the sailing adventure of a lifetime to prove that Taylor is stronger than his PTSD diagnosis.

When You’re Depressed and Doctors Aren’t Great, What Do You Do?

JoEllen Notte, a sex educator who focuses on mental health, delves into her experiences as a woman who is depressed navigating a health system that often does not know how to respond.

How Can Trauma, Depression, and Panic Help you Hold On and Let Go?

Jenna Kohler’s life has been impacted by her boyfriend’s suicide, the Boston Marathon bombing, and other events that have shaped her exposure to depression and trauma.

You’re Not Bored; You’re an Addict.

A woman who lives with alcoholism describes the normalization of alcohol in Western culture and speaks openly and bravely about her alcoholism recovery.

How Do You Recover from Mental Illness and Hurricane Harvey?

Hurricane Harvey wreaked havoc on Houston, and on Sue Ann Perna, who writes with bravery about how this hurricane impacted her mental illness and changed her life.

Combating OCD with Narrative Poetry

An OCD story from a young woman who writes about how narrative poetry is helping redirect her obsessive compulsive brain in a beautiful, inspiring way.

Raised by a Broken Woman: Battling Depression and Anxiety Without Parental Support

A never-ending cycle: Broken souls having children only for those children to be shattered souls themselves. Because I know that millions experience this, I want to share my story in order to change a life or even save one.

Dancing Away Depression

it has been a very long time since I have been out dancing. I am much too depressed and the pain is overwhelming; however, there came a meeting of my many minds and the solution was couch dancing. LOL, you say? I would be willing to bet you have never tried it!

The Narrow Ledge of Half-Health; My Life with Schizophrenia

“You need to accept the fact that schizophrenia is a chronic condition. You will have it for the rest of your life, so you need to start focusing on managing your symptoms.” When I heard it put so plainly, I sighed in despair.

No Worries! And Other Lies I Tell My Anxious Self

My panic attacks are still not discriminatory nor are they accommodating. For years, they came and went as they pleased. In bedrooms, in showers, on vacations, and in cars.

A Police Officer’s Tango with PTSD and Complex Trauma – Beneath the Vest with Ed Pila

“Many police departments are good at continually preparing their officers for the daily physical and report battles they face. But, most of these same departments are inadequate in knowledge, and even unaware, of what is going on beneath the vest – in the heart, mind, and soul of the police officer.” – Ed Pila

A Story of Multiple Mental Illness Diagnoses in a Marriage

We have a strong marriage but with our multiple diagnoses there are challenges that most would not understand—like going to the grocery store or out to eat.

A Mom with PTSD: Getting Closer to Realizing My Dreams

I was trying to manage my PTSD (unsuccessfully), which was magnified by my newly received diagnoses of bipolar with treatment resistant depression and borderline traits.

Horror, Oppression, Perfectionism, Epiphanies; My Story of Comorbid Resilience

I am what clinicians may refer to as “comorbid,” meaning I experience simultaneous disorders at once. With my history of diagnoses of major depressive, post-traumatic stress, panic, generalized anxiety, illness anxiety, body dysmorphic, and social anxiety disorders, I have had an overwhelming journey.

Hope amidst the Hopelessness of Depression

I had always been a sullen, solitary girl, sensitive and moody, prone to uncontrollable emotional outbursts. But the sadness I felt that winter was deeper, the outbursts more frequent, intense, and all-consuming.

The (im) possibilities of love with bipolar

I should have asked for her hand in marriage, but she would have just given me the finger. I live with bipolar disorder. Once, I loved with it too.

The Mental Health of an Addict’s Mother

It is impossible to ignore the impact that a child’s addiction and mental health has on a parent. Because of this I started therapy myself, and I believe that it saved my life.

My Whirlwind Brain; Living with Bipolar Disorder, Depression, and Anxiety

I’m a thirty-seven-year-old woman who was diagnosed with bipolar, depression and anxiety at the age of twenty-two. As I look back on my life I can remember feeling anxious throughout my childhood. I grew up in a good home with loving parents, but my anxiety persisted.

Physician Mental Health & Suicide

by https://youtu.be/7qBobGOF0fs Doctors are the healers and the helpers. But what happens when it’s the doctors who need the healing and the help? An estimated 300 to 400 doctors die by suicide each year, a rate of 28 to 40...

The Power of an Emotional Support Animal in Mental Health Recovery

Bowser and I had met when I began a rather impulsive search for someone, or something, to help alleviate my mental and emotional turmoil.

Reasons Why I Should Die – Coming Back from Teenage Suicidal Ideation

I’m writing now as a happy and fulfilled young adult. But ten years ago, I thought my life was worth ending.

When Thoughts are Sticky; Pure OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Though I am in recovery from generalized anxiety disorder, (GAD) that doesn’t mean I am cured, I have periods of remission and mini flare-ups.

Five Years of Sobriety: Smiling and Waving and Looking so Fine

I stopped drinking the next day. There was no plan. It was just, “I’m not drinking today, and probably not tomorrow.” Five years.

You’re Manic Bipolar – The Line Between Audience and Stage

You’re more powerful than you know. And, once you learn how to wield your powers, trust me. They’ll applaud.

2 Gabes in A Car Sharing Mental Health Stories

In addition to sharing a first name, they also share a passion for busting stigma about mental illness. Mental health advocacy brought them together, but something deeper created a connection.

Seeking Sanity Step by Step

My illness devastated me at age twenty when I was committed to a psychiatric hospital for sixty days and eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Psychosis: A Beginning. An End.

My impaired judgement was obvious even in the early days of my illness. I exhibited so many of the symptoms associated with psychosis—a substantial drop in my grades, trouble concentrating, declining hygiene, a significant weight loss, oscillating from strong emotions to a feeling of emptiness to name a few.

Is Mental Illness Your Rabbit, Too? Living with Anxiety and Depression

Not hallucinations, but rather some of the smaller and fuzzier denizens native to Cambridge, Massachusetts. There is no metaphor more fitting for the person I was back then: twitchy, easily startled, a propensity to run scared from others. I had lost all the avenues I’d had to hide from depression and anxiety, and they closed in like a pair of gangsters in an alleyway.

Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Disorder: From Daunted to Driven

I felt like a complete failure. I had always been able to handle everything without an issue. But at first, navigating depression was another story.

Tackling PTSD: Hell or High Seas

Taylor Grieger was diagnosed with complex PTSD several months after his release from the Navy with little-to-no guidance on how to cope with his condition.

A Suicide Attempt Spurs a New Life of Advocacy

One night, my mental state deteriorated to the point where I tried to end my life through a suicde attempt. It was impulsive and rash.

My Five Stages of Depression

The Five Stages of Mourning is a perfect template for my own Five Stages of Depression: Anger, Anxiety/Exhaustion, Depression, Treatment, and Recovery.

Now What?: Suicidality and Planning for an Uncertain Present

When I exhibited symptoms of C-PTSD and OCD, I was afraid and lost. I survived multiple major depressive episodes, all of them including suicidality.

Call Out Each Cloud by its Silver Lining: Life with Depression & Anxiety in India

Whenever I’d gone through stages of major depression or anxiety as a young teenager, all I’d hear was that I was stupid, lazy, and unambitious. Imagine being judged by your symptoms and not by your illness.

How to be an Active Listener

A rising number of college students are seeking treatment at campus counseling centers for serious mental health challenges. Our video features the powerful listeners from Cogwell@Penn. Watch (and learn) how they skillfully role-play as active listeners when presented with a variety of stories from friends in need.

You Just Can’t Talk to Crazy People: Bipolar, Depressed, Recovering

My psychiatrist became so annoyed with my theological nonsense that he abruptly stalked out of one session, exclaiming, “You just can’t talk to crazy people.” I sent him a note later, in which I informed him that I could talk to crazy people, so that was his problem, not mine.

Learning to Live in the Moment with Schizoaffective Disorder

Around age fifteen or sixteen, I began experimenting with drugs. I can tell you that this was, and always will be, the beginning of an ultimately fascinating journey that I call life with a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder.

How Audre Lorde’s Cancer Journals Helped Me Cope with my Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

I am determined to love and live intensely and fearlessly because, as Audre Lorde said, betraying myself into silence will not protect me.

Marriage and Mental Illness: The Ups and Downs

When you think of married life, what comes to mind? Are you in complete bliss or just plain miserable? Maybe you’re floating somewhere in between.

Treatment Resistant Depression: My Experience with Countless Interventions

I endured this routine for so long: try a new medication to alleviate my treatment resistant depression and either feel horrible or feel absolutely nothing.

A Vain & Misguided Decision: Abandoning Schizoaffective Disorder Medication

I am trying hard to make good decisions. I see my psychiatrist regularly. I take my medication. I try to live a healthy lifestyle with schizoaffective disorder.

What it Feels Like to be Passively Suicidal and Not Want to Die

The passive suicidal thoughts are still there, but I have started to recognize that they are only powerful if I give them the power.

A Clinician’s Journey from Complex Trauma to Thriving: Reflections on Abuse, C-PTSD and Reclamation

Sheri Heller’s new book, A Clinician’s Journey from Complex Trauma to Thriving, is a guide to healing with a keen awareness that no two paths are the same.

Repairing a Beautiful Life Damaged by Depression

When I finally saw a psychiatrist, she was surprised that I was still alive, having been afflicted with depression for so long without medical treatment.

Acceptance: How One Friend Helped Me Get Help for Depression and Anxiety on my Own Terms

As I battle with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, it has always been far easier for me to support others with mental health struggles than to admit my own.

Laces Out: Chokeslammed by Suicidal Thoughts & Depression

With depression, I had suicidal thoughts. Not because I wanted to kill myself, but because the idea of being “done” felt like serenity.

Worth a Thousand Words: Mental Health in Pictures

These images of mental in pictures are not what the public wants people to show. They are reality. They are dirty, messy, uninhibited, and true.

Making Peace with Persistent Depressive Disorder

Persistent depressive disorder (formerly known as dysthymic disorder or dysthymia) is just what it sounds like: depression that persists.

Lilah James: Complex PTSD Recovery on the Runway

A complex PTSD diagnosis became inspiration for a fashion designer’s runway line. In Glenn Holsten’s short film, Lilah James shares recovery and creativity.

My Social (Anxiety) Life Online

Social anxiety still exists online. You’re still putting yourself out there and you feel vulnerable opening up, not knowing what response you’ll get.

More Mental Health Accounts to Follow on Instagram

This installment of our mental health resources column highlights Instagram mental health from authors who have appeared on OC87 Recovery Diaries.

How I Recovered from a Disorder I Had Never Heard of – Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures

In my research, I found several articles about Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures. Doctors do not use the term pseudo-seizures anymore because it falsifies them and invalidates them. Pseudo is a prefix meaning “false” or “fake,” and the seizures I was having, while not epileptic, were anything but fake.

Time to Get Clean: Fatherhood and OCD

I feel like I need complicated charts, graphs, and spreadsheets to adequately explain how big of a failure I am as a brand new stay-at-home dad.

I’m Just Tired: When You Dismiss Depression

“I can’t explain where I’ve been, and though everyone wants to understand, it doesn’t mean they comprehend. They can’t grasp where I am.” – Kathryn Rose Wood

The Danger of Getting Stuck in the Identity and Drama of Childhood Trauma

Experiencing childhood trauma, I knew that something was wrong or different about me, but for a long time I dismissed that notion.

Anxiety Facebook Pages – Mental Health Recovery Accounts to Follow Now

This month’s installment of our mental health resources column is centered on anxiety Facebook pages, including a few pages with one to two million followers.

From Depressed and Suicidal to a New Outlook

I went from unhappy to miserable to struggling to overwhelmed to depressed and suicidal. First I was diagnosed with post-natal depression, followed by treatment-resistant clinical depression. Then came the biggest clanger of all, diagnosis number three: borderline personality disorder.

The Performance of Life: A Son with Bipolar Remembers his Father

My father’s compassion when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder was unreal and unexpected. Importantly, he was engaged in his own efforts to better understand what life is like for a son with bipolar disorder by seeking out support groups.

How Bipolar Support Groups Helped Change My Life

It took months of internal debate before I worked up the courage and the desire to at least give the depression and bipolar support groups a shot.

Unforgotten – Marlboro State Psychiatric Hospital

A few months ago, I saw a photo on Facebook of a cemetery in Marlboro, New Jersey. The cemetery was on the grounds where the Marlboro State Psychiatric Hospital once stood, and was the place where people who were once residents of the hospital were laid to rest.

Painting My Roses Red – Navigating Recovery

Groggy. Always groggy. Part bored, part feeling down. Seems I always have habits I either need to break or start—when I can get around to it. Maybe tomorrow, after my 8:30am nap.

5 Depression Twitter Accounts for Community, Resources, and Encouragement

This installment of our mental health resources column focuses on depression Twitter accounts including DBSA, Sad Girls Club, Heads Up Guys, Natasha Tracy, and Depression Notes.

Bipolar Disorder and PTSD – How I Accepted My Mental Illness Before it had a Name

Before I had a name for my mental illness — bipolar disorder and ptsd — this is what it felt like: playing diagnosis dress-up, trying on labels, seeing how they fit, and feeling lost — like there was nothing left in my closet to wear.

Review – Rock Steady: Brilliant Advice from my Bipolar Life

Ellen Forney has written a second graphic novel, Rock Steady: Brilliant Advice from my Bipolar Life, which leads the reader through her healing process.

Kevin Hines Teaches Us That Being Well is an Art in Suicide: The Ripple Effect

In Suicide: The Ripple Effect, Kevin Hines recounts the tale of his suicide attempt when he was nineteen years old, and then embarks on a journey to offer hope to others who may be struggling, and to hear stories from mental health advocates like him.

Hunting for Ninjas: When Trauma and Addiction are Hiding in the Dark

They say when you experience a traumatic experience as a child, you block out the details. My memory jumps.

Glowing on the Outside; Crumbling Inside – Depression, Anxiety and Motherhood

I failed the postpartum screening given, as protocol, by the hospital, and yet they sent me home.

Get Used to Life Without Me: A Dispassionate Road to Suicide with Depression

I crossed seamlessly from ambivalence and malaise into an area I’d never been before: actively planning suicide.

After I Destroyed Myself: Fast and Furious with Bipolar Disorder and Addiction

I’m not an expert on mental health, addiction, or suicide. I’m a survivor.

Life with OCD on Instagram – 5 OCD Instagram Accounts to Follow Now

These five OCD Instagram accounts show different perspectives on what it’s like to live with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Playing Hide and Seek with a Demon: My Struggle with Anxiety

I don’t know when it started. It was not as though I suddenly woke up with a raging heartbeat and butterflies in my stomach, wishing I could run away from myself. It came in tiny bits of worry.

Walking the Border: The Delicate Dance of OCD and Borderline

Yes, I have been diagnosed with depression, OCD and borderline personality disorder. Yet, I am still a good person.

Addiction and Anxiety – My Poetic Recovery

Trapped between fear and anxiety, I would drink and use drugs to cover up my feelings. After years of living this way with several bad trips, blackouts and hospitalizations, I went into treatment.

Transcending the Pain of Schizoaffective Disorder

Schizoaffective bipolar type is a disease characterized by mood swings and depression, in addition to psychosis, delusions, and paranoia.

Bipolar Disorder on Facebook – 5 Accounts to Follow

This post highlights bipolar disorder on Facebook. Check out these accounts, give @oc87rd a follow on Facebook, and be sure to explore the related links in this post.

Cumulative PTSD for a Police Officer After 9/11

This video features Officer Ron Griffith, formerly of the NYPD. After 9/11, Ron’s personality shifted. He became a controlling, angry person. He says he wasn’t aware of this change until his family left him, and all he was left with cumulative PTSD.

Mental Health Silent Retreats Have Changed My Recovery Story

Mental health silent retreats have been an important tool in my recovery. They have allowed me to forgive, heal, and gain clarity.

The Homeless Gospel Choir, Punk Rock, and My Mental Health Journey

I started writing songs about my feelings and sharing them with audiences throughout the country as a touring musician, under the name The Homeless Gospel Choir.

You Are Not Alone: Inside My OCD Brain

Therapists have told me that I use these repetitive behaviors as way to avoid facing my fears.

Episode 21 – A Talk with Psych Central Podcast Host, Gabe Howard

Podcast interview with PsychCentral.com podcast host, Gabe Howard, who suffers from bipolar disorder, but is in recovery.

Growing Pains with a PTSD Diagnosis

A memory, a word, a smell, an instance can take one back to the exact moment the trauma first spoke to them.

Bipolar Disorder Videos on YouTube

by I host a monologue in my head all day long, as I assume most people do; I run through my to-do lists, organize my tasks at hand, and guide myself through my own emotional reactions. These are the types of...

Beneath the Vest: Police Officer Alcoholism, Mental Health & Recovery

Joe has wrestled with alcoholism and the stresses of life as a police officer, a sometimes combustible combination.

Challenges of Writing a Bipolar Book When You Have Bipolar

I have bipolar disorder and I’ve written a book about my experience living with bipolar disorder and depression.

Episode 20 – Psychologist Maury Joseph, PsyD: A Therapist with a Unique Approach

A podcast interview with psychologist Maury Joseph, PsyD. Maury is different from most psychologists in that he “gets out of the way of his patients.”

Married… with Bipolar Disorder: One Couple’s Unique Mental Health Perspective

Gabe lives with bipolar disorder and Kendall lives with Gabe, who lives with bipolar disorder so, in a way; Kendall does most definitely “live” with bipolar disorder.

With Depression, Love Won’t Save Me

“I wrote the song “Becoming” about giving my mental health adequate attention and care, even while in a relationship.” — Emily Yacina

Episode 19 – Rudy Caseres: Champion for Mental Health

Rudy Caseres is a mental health advocate who lives with bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety.

“Depression Man” Wages War on Mental Illness through Laughter

As bad as my depression has been – and I’ve experienced more than 40 years of it – I have somehow, luckily, always found the magic of laughter within reach.

Police Officer PTSD & Mental Health

In this short film, Rob Davis shares his journey as a police officer who lives with trauma and PTSD.

Faith and Academia Unmask a Psychotic, Bipolar Depression

Depression tricks you into thinking that you are completely alone when, in fact, you are the opposite. No one is truly alone.

8 Accounts Featuring Recovery with Anxiety on Instagram

We’re always looking for mental health empowerment in unsuspecting places, and today we’re featuring feeds focused around the diagnosis of anxiety on Instagram.

Episode 18 – Libby Parker; Changing the LGBTQ+ Mental Health Landscape

Mx. Libby Parker, MSS, LSW is an outpatient therapist and manager of Einstein Health Network’s PRIDE Program, which coordinates and supports various services designed to meet the unique needs of LGBTQ+ identified patients.

The Trauma of Not Being Traumatized Enough: My Life with Pure OCD

All my life, the media had taught me that, in order to suffer from mental illness, you had to endure some kind of a severe trauma. That was incorrect.

Episode 17– Bipolar Disorder, Family, and Love

The memoir “Gorilla and the Bird” discusses how bipolar disorder affects work, family, and relationships. Podcast interview with Zack and his mom, Cindy.

Becoming Your Own Best Friend for Your Mental Health

When it comes to mental health, how we can become our own best friend in 2018? Here’s what we came up with. Happy New Year to you, friend.

Anxiety Twitter Accounts That Empathize, Educate, and Entertain

In this installment of our Mental Health Resources column, we’re covering the best of anxiety Twitter accounts. As always, OC87 Recovery Diaries is committed to our shared cause to #buststigma around mental health issues.

Episode 16 – Comedian and TV Personality Paul Gilmartin on Podcasting, PTSD, and Coping with Trauma

Host of The Mental Illness Happy Hour, Paul Gilmartin has come a long way since doing stand-up comedy and hosting the TV show, Dinner and a Movie.

Herbie The Love Bug: Depression & Recovery

“I was hoping that Herbie The Love Bug would bring us some joy.” — Gabriel Nathan, Editor in Chief of OC87 Recovery Diaries

Anxiety, Depression, and Motherhood Mental Health

As I lie in bed, my thoughts spiral saying, “You’re a horrible mother. You’re a horrible writer. You’re a horrible person.”

Episode 15 – Mental Health and Madness in 19th Century America

How were individuals with mental illness treated in 19th century psychiatric hospitals? What was society’s attitude towards these people?

From Mental Health Institutionalization to Advocacy

A journey from dark days of mental health institutionalization and repeated electroconvulsive therapy treatments, to a successful advocacy career.

Finding My Faith Despite Losing My Mind

On losing my mind with bipolar disorder, the bottom line is this: I need to take my medication, no matter how much faith I possess.

5 Standout Depression-Related Facebook Pages

Depression Facebook pages that share genuinely different content while still all speaking to what it can be like to live with depression.

One Step Away: A Film about PTSD, Homelessness, and Redemption

Tammy is one of about 60 people who sell One Step Away, Philadelphia’s first newspaper produced by those without homes for those with homes.

How the Westminster Dog Show Helped Me Let Go of My Anxiety and Celebrate (And You Can Too)

“What could go wrong for someone who has panic attacks in large crowds at an event regularly attended by 20,000 people?” — Sheila Hageman

Episode 14 – “The Hunting Ground”: Recovering from Sexual Assault – an Interview with Documentary Film Subject, Kamilah Willingham

Interview with Kamilah Willingham, a subject of the documentary film, “The Hunting Ground.”

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