Entries - OC87 Recovery Diaries
The Night I (almost) Escaped Rehab

The Night I (almost) Escaped Rehab

Canadian singer-songwriter Skylar Bouchard has long struggled with addiction and self-harm, and his essay is a hopeful ballad to recovery.

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Dear Mom, I Want to Kill Myself

Dear Mom, I Want to Kill Myself

Dear Mom, I Want to Kill Myself is a heartbreaking and, ultimately, hopeful essay about overcoming suicidal thoughts and helping family members heal and grow.

How Becoming a Parent Forced Me to Deal with my Anxiety

How Becoming a Parent Forced Me to Deal with my Anxiety

Feeling anxious and depressed after the birth of her son, Katharine joined a support group and found help to understand what was going on in her body and her mind. Katharine found ways to understand her anxiety and become the parent she longed to be.

Where Do Compulsive Exercise and Disordered Eating Lead?

Where Do Compulsive Exercise and Disordered Eating Lead?

When you are battling an eating disorder, decisions like stand or sit, one cookie or two, are not just benign choices. Emily Kelsall takes us into the world and brain of a woman living struggling with disordered eating and compulsive exercise.

How Do You Change the Negative Self-Talk Conversation?

How Do You Change the Negative Self-Talk Conversation?

Author and advocate Beck Medina works daily to improve her mental health by cultivating self-compassion. Her essay is a mature take on what it means to be young and plugged-in in 2019 and the cost to your self-image, and how to maintain stability while living with panic attacks and anxiety.

How do You Live Through Anxiety, Depression, and a Friend’s Death?

How do You Live Through Anxiety, Depression, and a Friend’s Death?

Leah Holleran’s mystery illness was as common as common could be: anxiety and depression, but she and her family didn’t know it. Leah eventually solved the mystery of her mental health challenge, but not before struggling with self-harm and the loss of her best friend to an overdose.

Wrestling with Depression

Wrestling with Depression

In addition to wrestling some of the most noted sumo wrestlers in the world, Mike Wietecha is also well-versed in wrestling depression.

Eight Miles Of Agony: Anxiety and Travel

Eight Miles Of Agony: Anxiety and Travel

I don’t know if I will ever be free of the panic attacks but I have hope that I will know how to cope. As of right now, I am taking things one day at a time, living my life and sharing my story so that others know that they are not alone.

First Responder Mental Health: When the Helpers Need Help, Who You Gonna Call?

First Responder Mental Health: When the Helpers Need Help, Who You Gonna Call?

Michelle Monzo is a hero’s hero. Her work is her passion, and her passion is her work. She is trains police and other criminal justice and public safety personnel in mental health crisis intervention techniques. in addition to her crisis intervention education efforts, she creates safe spaces for first responders to be vulnerable when they are feeling they need mental health support.

Life On the Borderline: Learning to Live with BPD

Life On the Borderline: Learning to Live with BPD

Receiving a diagnosis for borderline personality disorder later in life was difficult for Lisa Parker. When she finally heard the phrase “bpd,” she was able to start learning skills in her 50s she wished she’d learned in her 20s.

Eating Disorder Healing and Changing Our Narratives Around Them

Eating Disorder Healing and Changing Our Narratives Around Them

This mental health recovery story focuses on Ziba’s journey through an eating disorder, that often felt invisible. Ziba felt unseen in her disordered habits around eating and misunderstood when she first shared that she made herself sick to doctors. As she learned more about her disease and found help herself, Ziba worked to dismantle stereotypes and bust stigma. Through therapy and group work Ziba was able to understand her disorder and reconnect to herself. Read more!

Compound Trauma: The 911 on 911 Dispatcher Craig Tinneny

Compound Trauma: The 911 on 911 Dispatcher Craig Tinneny

Craig Tinneny is a 911 dispatcher whose lifetime work of fielding calls from people in crisis made him feel hollow, helpless, and hopeless. He sought help from a group of peers and has since become a crusader for better mental health for first responders.

I Want to Live: Turning a Corner with Suicidal Ideation and Depression

I Want to Live: Turning a Corner with Suicidal Ideation and Depression

This mental health recovery story focuses on Tina’s journey through a fixation on death, depression and suicidal ideation. Tina’s thoughts and actions felt out of control, guide by anxiety. Suicidal ideation was a constant in her life, how Tina sought help and learned that are her core, she wanted to live. Through therapy and a close encounter with death, Tina discovered her will to live. Read more about Tina’s journey!

I Suppressed Everything – A Story of Abuse and Bipolar

I Suppressed Everything – A Story of Abuse and Bipolar

This mental recovery story focuses on Lisa’s journey of childhood trauma, abuse and eventually her diagnosis of bipolar. After years of physical, sexual and mental abuse, Lisa thought she had found stability, until her mania set in followed by severe depression. Lisa’s life felt like it was spinning out. Her physical, sexual and mental abuse dictated her life, her mania felt out of control, how Lisa came to terms with her diagnosis of bipolar and past trauma and found a way to heal. With time and therapy Lisa found ways to cope. Read more about Lisa’s journey!

Can a Man (and a Bug) Drive Out Suicide?

Can a Man (and a Bug) Drive Out Suicide?

OC87 Recovery Diaries’ Editor in Chief Gabriel Nathan travels around the east coast in his beloved Herbie the Love Bug replica to raise suicide awareness and meet people whose lives have been changed by suicide.

Emptying My Head: Bipolar Depression, A Tale of Two People

Emptying My Head: Bipolar Depression, A Tale of Two People

This mental health recovery story focuses on Erica’s journey through an abusive childhood, a diagnosis of bipolar depression and the feeling of being misunderstood, by other and by herself. Her bipolar depression and anger left Erica confused, when she found therapy she was able to see what was beneath her rage and come through to the other side. Erica realized that her anger masked a deep sadness, as she worked with a counselor she found a way to explore her past and understand her present. Learn more about Erica’s journey!

The Kid’s Alright, or Close Enough; My Asperger’s Diagnosis

The Kid’s Alright, or Close Enough; My Asperger’s Diagnosis

Rachael grew up with a feeling that she was different from others. She experienced anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder symptoms and had regular meltdowns. Eventually these things turned into a problem with substance abuse. Her inability to adapt to change and childhood anxiety created a barrier, how Rachael’s diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome in adulthood helped her to understand her past and gain a newfound stability. Once, Rachael could understand what was going in her mind, she was able to take back control of her life. Read more about Rachael’s story!

Sailing for Life and Surviving PTSD

Sailing for Life and Surviving PTSD

Hell or High Seas follows veteran Navy rescue swimmer Taylor Greiger and friend Stephen O’Shea on the sailing adventure of a lifetime to prove that Taylor is stronger than his PTSD diagnosis.

Combating OCD with Narrative Poetry

Combating OCD with Narrative Poetry

An OCD story from a young woman who writes about how narrative poetry is helping redirect her obsessive compulsive brain in a beautiful, inspiring way.

Dancing Away Depression

Dancing Away Depression

it has been a very long time since I have been out dancing. I am much too depressed and the pain is overwhelming; however, there came a meeting of my many minds and the solution was couch dancing. LOL, you say? I would be willing to bet you have never tried it!

Hope amidst the Hopelessness of Depression

Hope amidst the Hopelessness of Depression

I had always been a sullen, solitary girl, sensitive and moody, prone to uncontrollable emotional outbursts. But the sadness I felt that winter was deeper, the outbursts more frequent, intense, and all-consuming.

The Mental Health of an Addict’s Mother

The Mental Health of an Addict’s Mother

It is impossible to ignore the impact that a child’s addiction and mental health has on a parent. Because of this I started therapy myself, and I believe that it saved my life.

Physician Mental Health & Suicide

Physician Mental Health & Suicide

by https://youtu.be/7qBobGOF0fs Doctors are the healers and the helpers. But what happens when it’s the doctors who need the healing and the help? An estimated 300 to 400 doctors die by suicide each year, a rate of 28 to 40...

2 Gabes in A Car Sharing Mental Health Stories

2 Gabes in A Car Sharing Mental Health Stories

In addition to sharing a first name, they also share a passion for busting stigma about mental illness. Mental health advocacy brought them together, but something deeper created a connection.

Seeking Sanity Step by Step

Seeking Sanity Step by Step

My illness devastated me at age twenty when I was committed to a psychiatric hospital for sixty days and eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Psychosis: A Beginning. An End.

Psychosis: A Beginning. An End.

My impaired judgement was obvious even in the early days of my illness. I exhibited so many of the symptoms associated with psychosis—a substantial drop in my grades, trouble concentrating, declining hygiene, a significant weight loss, oscillating from strong emotions to a feeling of emptiness to name a few.

Is Mental Illness Your Rabbit, Too? Living with Anxiety and Depression

Is Mental Illness Your Rabbit, Too? Living with Anxiety and Depression

Not hallucinations, but rather some of the smaller and fuzzier denizens native to Cambridge, Massachusetts. There is no metaphor more fitting for the person I was back then: twitchy, easily startled, a propensity to run scared from others. I had lost all the avenues I’d had to hide from depression and anxiety, and they closed in like a pair of gangsters in an alleyway.

Tackling PTSD: Hell or High Seas

Tackling PTSD: Hell or High Seas

Taylor Grieger was diagnosed with complex PTSD several months after his release from the Navy with little-to-no guidance on how to cope with his condition.

My Five Stages of Depression

My Five Stages of Depression

The Five Stages of Mourning is a perfect template for my own Five Stages of Depression: Anger, Anxiety/Exhaustion, Depression, Treatment, and Recovery.

How to be an Active Listener

How to be an Active Listener

A rising number of college students are seeking treatment at campus counseling centers for serious mental health challenges. Our video features the powerful listeners from Cogwell@Penn. Watch (and learn) how they skillfully role-play as active listeners when presented with a variety of stories from friends in need.

You Just Can’t Talk to Crazy People: Bipolar, Depressed, Recovering

You Just Can’t Talk to Crazy People: Bipolar, Depressed, Recovering

My psychiatrist became so annoyed with my theological nonsense that he abruptly stalked out of one session, exclaiming, “You just can’t talk to crazy people.” I sent him a note later, in which I informed him that I could talk to crazy people, so that was his problem, not mine.

My Social (Anxiety) Life Online

My Social (Anxiety) Life Online

Social anxiety still exists online. You’re still putting yourself out there and you feel vulnerable opening up, not knowing what response you’ll get.

From Depressed and Suicidal to a New Outlook

From Depressed and Suicidal to a New Outlook

I went from unhappy to miserable to struggling to overwhelmed to depressed and suicidal. First I was diagnosed with post-natal depression, followed by treatment-resistant clinical depression. Then came the biggest clanger of all, diagnosis number three: borderline personality disorder.

Unforgotten – Marlboro State Psychiatric Hospital

Unforgotten – Marlboro State Psychiatric Hospital

A few months ago, I saw a photo on Facebook of a cemetery in Marlboro, New Jersey. The cemetery was on the grounds where the Marlboro State Psychiatric Hospital once stood, and was the place where people who were once residents of the hospital were laid to rest.

Painting My Roses Red – Navigating Recovery

Painting My Roses Red – Navigating Recovery

Groggy. Always groggy. Part bored, part feeling down. Seems I always have habits I either need to break or start—when I can get around to it. Maybe tomorrow, after my 8:30am nap.

Addiction and Anxiety – My Poetic Recovery

Addiction and Anxiety – My Poetic Recovery

Trapped between fear and anxiety, I would drink and use drugs to cover up my feelings. After years of living this way with several bad trips, blackouts and hospitalizations, I went into treatment.

Cumulative PTSD for a Police Officer After 9/11

Cumulative PTSD for a Police Officer After 9/11

This video features Officer Ron Griffith, formerly of the NYPD. After 9/11, Ron’s personality shifted. He became a controlling, angry person. He says he wasn’t aware of this change until his family left him, and all he was left with cumulative PTSD.

Bipolar Disorder Videos on YouTube

Bipolar Disorder Videos on YouTube

by I host a monologue in my head all day long, as I assume most people do; I run through my to-do lists, organize my tasks at hand, and guide myself through my own emotional reactions. These are the types of...

Dating with Schizophrenia

Dating with Schizophrenia

Despite getting progressively better at social interaction, dating with schizophrenia is just too much and, every time I try, I crash and burn.

The Push and Pull of Depression

The Push and Pull of Depression

Still, I resisted. For several years, I didn’t want to accept that the push and pull of depression was a permanent part of me.

Bipolar Disorder: Never Giving Up

Bipolar Disorder: Never Giving Up

There is only one thing that gets me through the bipolar cycles and that is time. It is a cliché but, during my cycles, the only way is through.

Traveling With Depression

Traveling With Depression

After traveling with depression, I know that I am a powerful being who overcame the dragon blowing fire into my brain. I fought, and I won.

The Blended Shades of Depression

The Blended Shades of Depression

This disassociated state, where you plan your death as though you were planning Tuesday night’s dinner, is one of the many shades of depression.

Episode 6 – Mental Health in Comedy

Episode 6 – Mental Health in Comedy

Comedians Robert Ecks and Jacquie Baker discuss the complicated ways in which mental health is impacted by comedy, and how the two can go hand in hand.

Disclosing Your Mental Illness

Disclosing Your Mental Illness

Disclosing your mental illness has costs and benefits, but the thing to remember is that, while it’s a tricky choice, it is most definitely a choice.

Waves of Ennui and Depression

Waves of Ennui and Depression

I start to feel a bit of ennui, a French word meaning, “general malaise.” This can go on for a while until the ennui surrounds me and depression sets in.

What is “OC87” Anyway?

What is “OC87” Anyway?

“OC87” is a term coined by one of my therapists. It refers to the year 1987: the year I wanted to control everyone and everything.

22 Mental Health Podcasts

22 Mental Health Podcasts

In celebration of our new podcast, we’ve rounded up 22 mental health podcasts that are doing their part to #buststigma around mental illness.

Listening: My Time in a Psych Ward

Listening: My Time in a Psych Ward

Perhaps it is important to talk about how I ended up in a psych ward and how I ended up having an earache. I can explain pieces of the first thing.

The Side-Effects of Side-Effects

The Side-Effects of Side-Effects

Living with schizophrenia, I’ve been through the full gamut of side-effects. New side-effects pop up to say “hello” with each medication I’m prescribed.

A Bipolar Diagnosis: Suicide Watch

A Bipolar Diagnosis: Suicide Watch

“Honey, I will be checking on you every fifteen minutes.” I stared at her, puzzled, until she leveled me with a four-word gut punch: “You’re on suicide watch.”

Talking About My Depression

Talking About My Depression

I’m talking about my depression, not in vague terms any longer. It is a problem. It has a name. My boys know that name and I hope they’ll be stronger for it.

Schizophrenia and Love

Schizophrenia and Love

Love can be the gasoline on schizophrenia’s fire, playing tricks on your mind and it can lead you to places from which you may not be able to return.

Losing My Job, Keeping My Mental Health

Losing My Job, Keeping My Mental Health

The severity of my depression in the wake of losing my job solidified the notion that, for people with mental illness, having a job can make all the difference.

The Light Switch Effect of Stress

The Light Switch Effect of Stress

The effect of stress is serious to your mental health. It’s easy to fall into delusional holes if your stress level gets to a point that isn’t manageable.

Beginning Therapy; Being Vulnerable

Beginning Therapy; Being Vulnerable

People say the first step in therapy is acceptance. I can’t speak for others, but I’ve started taking my steps. It’s okay if you want to take yours.

Disclosure

Disclosure

Disclosure is about feeling safe enough to find a kinder voice for ourselves. Every time I share my experiences in safe spaces I feel truer to myself.

The Family and Schizophrenia

The Family and Schizophrenia

Family is the most important thing for a person with mental illness. We need support and validation that we are not alone in the world

New Editor In Chief

New Editor In Chief

It is with great pleasure that I announce the appointment of Gabriel Nathan as editor in chief of OC87 Recovery Diaries.

Mental Health Wish List

Mental Health Wish List

What is your mental health “wish list” for yourself in 2017? How would you like to grow personally? Where will you look for inspiration and strength?

Schizophrenia & Talking To God

Schizophrenia & Talking To God

There are nights where I lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling and I ask for help. Sometimes the voice comes; sometimes it doesn’t. By now, I’m used to it.

The Downside of Empathy

The Downside of Empathy

Narcissism begets hyper-empathy: narcissistic parents produce children who become attuned to the emotional states of their caretakers in order to survive.

I Have Schizophrenia

I Have Schizophrenia

Yes, I have schizophrenia. But I don’t want to sit around feeling sorry for myself because I have schizophrenia, and life can be difficult sometimes.

The Pain of Being Labeled Crazy

The Pain of Being Labeled Crazy

The pain of being labeled crazy doesn’t present itself as one big sweeping hurt, more like a series of small little jabs as you go through your days.

In Discovery With Bipolar Disorder

In Discovery With Bipolar Disorder

It took a year for me to find the courage to google “bipolar disorder.” On some level I knew I needed professional help, but there were a lot of risks.

OCD or The Art of Self-Humiliation

OCD or The Art of Self-Humiliation

I have learned the tools and techniques with which to deal with the many facets of my OCD, including being able to laugh at it once in a while.

Seasons of Depression & Kevin Breel

Seasons of Depression & Kevin Breel

“Real depression isn’t being sad when something in your life goes wrong. Real depression is being sad when everything in your life is going right.” – Kevin Breel